31st December 2012.

Last day of 2012 ... how has it been for you guys? For me, it had been a yin yang open close kind of year

1) Leaving Shanghai
2) Starting new life in France
3) Closing my store
4) Planning my new store
5) Leaving my good friends
6) Making new ones

But overall.... I feel more downtime than up. Maybe I said too many goodbyes... I hope next year I can settle and make friends for life .. :)

Father And Daughter

In a Church in Riquewihr, Laurent walked Arwen down the aisle. I could not help but tear a little as I take this photo. The love between father and daughter is one of a kind and I had mine so I know how blessed it is. I prayed one day maybe 20 to 25 years later, I would have the chance to see Arwen walked down the aisle , hand in hand with Laurent for her marriage.

Written on 22nd December 2012.

I don't get my hubby sometimes.

Hubby : Hmm... you know I better eat something now or else later at the Xmas market if I am hungry , I will be cranky .

Me ( slogging at the kitchen ) : Yah, eat , EAT all you want cause when you are cranky, it is really annoying and will spoil my day.

Hubby throw me THE LOOK.

Me : What? Out of 365 days, I am NOT CRANKY for 20 days so that means it is more of a personality hence cannot change and by now you should get used to it and if still not used to it, I cannot help you. But you , the sporadic crankiness that happens 15 or 25 times a year which can be easily avoided by you being not hungry, it is a no brainer who should change.

Hubby : ...........................................

*******************************************************************************

Hubby : I would like to buy a digital camera but very expensive.

Me ( KNS, I also know expensive but being a good wife) : Buy lah, you "deserve it " .

Hubby : But I would like to buy second hand one, you know I always prefer to buy second hand .

Me : But it is good to get new one, I mean for example, I am the first wife you have right ? It is not second hand right ?

Hubby : But you are not a virgin right ?

Me : So you are saying I am used good LAH!

Hubby ran away to the other room.

KNS. Damn hard to trap him to buy new things.

Written on 22nd December 2012. 

Thanks Dezima!

You know .. this year I am SERIOUSLY NOT IN THE MOOD for Christmas. I tried to get into in by going to as many Xmas markets as possible, I try to find joy in getting gifts for people I love. I sang shitload of Christmas song. Made a lot of cards with Arwen. But.. nothing. No mood. I give up. It is already Xmas Eve here and all I want to do is to jump in to bed with a toffee nut latte and my magazines.

Of course my in laws are wonderful and they did an awesome job with the house and all the gifts but I am untouched.

I spoke to DH , I suppose maybe simply I miss my family and friends. And maybe to me , everyday I feel richly blessed with what I have. Maybe everyday I thank God for my family, my friends and Arwen. So to me, everyday is like Christmas.

Also, the last two years my good friends Dezima , Benson and my God Daughter Alyssa had taken the efforts ( as in their nature ) to visit us in Shanghai for Christmas. I miss them.... They are the most loving and giving people I know. They actually MAKE the effort and when they do , they do it 100% and see it through. Naturally it is no brainer to ask them to be Arwen's Godparents.

I know Dezima for 16 years, half my life. We have nothing in common but she is one friend who really accepts me for who I am. She never DOUBTS me. She always believes in me and she means it. I can't say the same about me to her. I suppose in some way, I always wonder what makes her stick to being my friend. I am not the most positive person, nor the most giving person but she still wants to be my friend and Godmother to Alyssa.

Funnily as I looked at the gift from her this year... I am very amused. I think she is the only person who "dare " to buy me jewelries seeing that I do not like wearing any ( 'cept my wedding rings). But the thing is... she always got them right! The blue star Swarovski necklace, I love it to death. The fine gold heart necklace two years back, really something I will wear and this year a Pandora bracelet. I was about to get one and boy I was shocked to see it as I open the box. I just hold the bracelet and I miss her even more...

I can't wait to go back to Singapore in 5 weeks and spend good quality time with her and my Goddaughter. Having lunches, catching up and just laze with her.

Dezima, Benson and Alyssa.. thanks for making Christmas special everytime . Next year come okay! Or it is too hard to be in the mood!

Written on 24th December 2012.

Chores are the way to my heart.

I was very busy with the chores and cooking and after my shower, I was pleasantly surprised to see the clothes are folded by Laurent without me telling him to do so.

You know sometimes I am just so thankful for Laurent. He has been a great great husband and dad this year . He will do anything for Arwen and work as a team with me. Offering always to take care of Arwen so I can do my own things ( told him it is cheaper to help me than me going to see a psychological due to breakdown). Helping me to potty train her and stick to our ( my) plans on how to raise Arwen. Do the dishes, put Arwen to bed, read to her, never once raise voice at her, always very patient with her.

It is not an overnight thing. It took quite awhile to adjust and sometimes it stresses both of us out. But he prod on and even when it is very tiring , he will still do his share. I am not sure what the future holds as life is so uncertain but as I see this pile of clothes carefully folded , I know that indeed I have a great partner on the same path with me in life. Thanks Beautiful Geek!

Written on 29th December 2012.

Miss my "Mate"

Recently I was in Freiburg , a small but busy city in Germany. It was nice but for some reasons, I was not in the shopping mood I thought I will be in. I was bored with all the stores and got confused by the language barrier ( apparently Germans who lived 1.5 hours away from France still do not speak French).

But what made my day was spotting a Starbucks! I yelled "OMG A STARBUCKS, I MUST GO THERE!" much to the amusement of nearly Germans. I told DH to take Arwen away for awhile while I grab a cup of Toffee Nut Latte. Stepping in, I inhale the familiar fragrant aroma and felt so much at home and quickly placed an order.

Took my precious T.N Latte and stand at a corner, suddenly very sad.. memories rushed in.. I miss my friend Andrea.

She is like the coolest, the most loyal person, most real friend I had made in a long long time. We used to have this little afternoon getaways where first we will head to Starbucks and grab a grande and just walk and talk. We talked about everything and anything and about nothing. I often came home from one of our meetings, not knowing what we actually had chatted the last 3 hours but yet feels so good, so connected, so happy.

I do not know if I will ever meet another person like her. I do not think me and her, we are like perfect people ever and even now I wonder how we clicked but it is THAT CONNECTION. A person who just GETS me and I hope I her ( most of the time at least) , that understands what I the hell I am talking about ( very very very very few people does..) , who never stood me up ( carrying her toddler to my house for playdate despite horrendous pouring rain by a cab), who has the most wicked sense of humor and her strength and courage is depthless and who is not afraid to ask for advice or help when she needs it.

I admired her a lot as a whole person, the way she lead her life, the way she raised her two kids, the way she never gives up. I dedicated this post and my cup of T.N Latte to her and our friendship. Cheers Mate!

 
                                Of course my T.N Latte did not ultimately go unnoticed by Arwen...

Written on 12th December 2012.

My Dear Are You Turning Soft?

HOW FATHERHOOD CHANGES LAURENT THE ATHEIST GEEK AND HOW MOTHERHOOD CHANGES JESSIE THE DREAMER.

Considering Xmas present for Little Miss Malod-Panisset

Jessie : How about Clifford The Big Red Dog soft toy?

Laurent : But SpaceJiJi ( our current Ikea brown soft toy dog) will be jealous...

Jessie Staring At Him For 3 Secs : How could Space be jealous, HE IS A SOFT TOY! My God you are turning soft aren't you?

Laurent ( Sheepishly) : I suppose so, I even want you to take Arwen to play in the soft before it melts. We should buy her skis!

Jessie : You are kidding right? I spent the morning trying to balance myself on the icy snow while walking to school and to avoid being hit by the icicles on the buildings and the afternoon cleaning her skid marks ok!

Laurent conceded defeat and look sad . I feel bad and told him next year when I am not risking my life walking on this shitty thick snow to school 50 mins a day to and fro, I should be in a more wintery mood.

                                       Oh yah, Laurent and his cute slippers says "Hi".

Written on 10th December 2012.

Wednesdays

Wednesdays is the day of the week I decreed it will be Me And Arwen time alone. Funny thing is even though I am with her everyday, it just does not ever seems enough. When she heads for bed, I will linger and just look at this being who is one third of my size. Examine her fingers, studying it and got this epiphany that they are still so small, no wonder she cannot grab and hold 3 oranges properly. Her face, sometimes I get a fleeting glimpse of how she will looked like when she grows up and it will startled me. I don't know if some parents feels this but it is like looking in the future and knowing when the day comes, a sense of deep deja vu will hit me , knowing i saw that face when she was 3.

This Wednesday, I took her out to a crowded restaurant for lunch. Normally she will run everywhere, robbing the free balloons and I will be yelling out for her. Today, she stands beside me, just close enough so her head will always bob against my thigh. I told her to go get the balloons, but she did not, just staring at everything but kept close to me. Then as we walk to the table, she held my hands firmly, not tight but securely. We ate, chat ( me mostly) and we left. Very simple but for me, the most wonderful magical thing about having Arwen is having her hold my hand. It happens daily but still, it makes my heart sing. Walking to school with her hand in mine, I feel so honored. To have this trust, this love of this awesome little girl, the love of a child. It is so fragile yet so strong.

I have this little small gesture when I hold her hand to let her know it is me so incase someone else holds her hand and does not do that gesture, she knows she hold the wrong ones( sometimes it happens and the look on her face is priceless!). I hope this secret gesture between us will serve us well into all the years later, so she knows she is always welcome to hold my hand even if she is 40 years old :) May be silly to gush about this but for me, a child is like... the purest thing one can hold and in this crazy world, to have given this trust, this love unconditionally , to be invited to her world, I cannot expressed my thanks for this experience. I don't know what the future holds. I know as a mother, I have loads and loads to improve on and I pray every night I will not failed her one day but as of now, I look forward to tomorrow morning when we can walk hand in hand to school :).

Written on 12th December 2012.

Tough Sell

I think the French don't really fancy money. I don't why, it is a gut feeling thing. See

1) Now, we already found an apartment we like and want to buy it . So we went to the Notary with the sellers to sign an official contract to say we are like dead serious about buying it. The French law has this ( to me) very parental approach to it " after signing this , we will still give you 7 days to think about it, if you change your mind within 7 days, it is penalty-free ( if not, you pay the fines equivalent of 2375 Singaporean and FT who are caught littering in Singapore)." I smiled and smiled and shooked hands with the Notary guy ( who actually asked me quietly where is Singapore....'-_-) . And when I am out of the door, I told DH the guy is crazy. OF COURSE I WANT TO BUY THE APARTMENT! Why must wait another 7 days to confirm the deal ? I am not a kid you know ( *wink) and this is not a Zara blouse, I kind of am very sure I want to buy this place and HOW DARE HE QUESTION US! ".

Of course DH, who mastered the art of driving safely and trying to calm me down all at the same time , told me they just want to be sure we have an "out" should we need it.

Geez, how does an economy improved with this kind of thinking ? Humans are actually processed with abundant sense of knowing what we really want -if not given enough time to think about it. Think of all the impulsive buys we all are guilty of. But impulsive buys are super important to an economy or else what can explain the popularity and the longevity of this Smash Tomato http://www.amazon.com/Smash-It-Tomato-Stress-Relief-Splatter/dp/B002TRI8CO ( don't buy here, cheat one, in China, it is only 3 RMB) .

Now we are given 7 days to think about it when he should grab us by the collars, shake us and spitting saliva all over us yelling happily that this is the best thing we will ever do for ourselves, sealed the deal and earn his commission and saved us one week in the progress . Instead,we are just sitting on our asses to prove we are serious about the deal . He is lucky. I bet shitload of people changes their mind as humans naturally do when given the idea that "this just might not be the BEST BEST BEST thing that ever happens to you / for you". Funny how this rule does not apply for marriage eh ( Mr and Mrs So and So to be, you are given 7 days to decide if you still want to be married even after I announced you man and wife, go forth , don't multiple yet but think and THINK HARD about it) .

Of course truth is , we are not sitting on our asses because there is still the bank to convince.

2) The banks, ah the banks.

We have money to pay for the apartment but we decided to take out a small loan as we are abit sadistic and want to feel in debt like most of the world. For this, we have to submit a mountain of paper works to prove we were not terrorists, am not terrorists and will not be terrorists. We are religiously paying our taxes and my husband has a real job that automatically deduct the taxes anyway so we are automatically religiously paying our taxes. Banker was happy to see, feel, smell the papers and shake our hands declaring we are healthy sane educated and most importantly been taxed automatically and religiously every month. Then he said that the French laws says we have 10 days to think about it.

I smiled and smiled and shook hands with the Banker when we are out of the door, I told DH this is another crazy law. 10 days!!! Have to wait another 10 days to see if we are serious about the loan? Geez! If the win lottery tomorrow , who needs the loan? The banker should have seized the moment and us by our shirts , hugged and thanks us happily that with this instant deal and commission, we have paid for his winter vacation in the Alps this year ( which will boast the economy of Alps) and put him in such good light in the bosses' eyes at the close of Q4.

10 days.. what to do with ourselves man...... sighing... I told DH I am going to try to see if I can exchange a set of plates I bought which has the cutest birdies designs on it but unfortunately not microwaveable . I walked into Monoprix and asked for their exchange policy, the lady HAPPILY told me "Yezzz yezzz ofzzz coursezz youzz canzz returnzz thez platezzz , youzz havezz onezz monthzz tozz dozz sozz ".

ONE MONTH to decide if I want or do not want the plates? My God, they should say 7 days and the customers have come and return them and you know how customers in megacstores are like, they will first come with the pure thoughts " RETURN PLATES. GET REFUND . FASTER GET OUT AND GO HAVE LUNCH AT MACDONALD AND CATCH THE 4PM BUS AND IN TIME TO PLAY AND READ STORY BOOK TO THEIR 3 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER" . But once in the store, all the smell of BRAND NEW THINGS will engulfed them and their purses itching to get out and backsides of their credits wants to be whipped and swiped. I bet 60% of the customers will somehow buy something along when they are doing the refunds. But given these people one month grace? Chances are 20% of them will come in one week, 30% will hover between 2nd and 3rd week and 50% will just forget about it and keep the plates. Always give the customer a reason, ANY reasons to come to your store as soon as they can.

3) Sale or Solde

I swear I love it when France has it seasonal sales where prices are slashed at an honest 70% off ( not those half-f**k sales like 25% or buy 2 get 1 free crap). But I cannot understand the stores love for English worded signs like " DON"T MISS IT!" "GREAT PRICES" "DON'T BUY? LATER DON'T CRY" " BUY ON THE FLY " etc etc . Yes of course quite a little little bit of the youth here knows English and can read some but many many many others don't .

Most of the people here are over 40 years old and these are the ones with money who can afford to buy more on sale. But unless it is again God who just want to highlight the sales to me in mega fonts English, I cannot understand why are these signs not in French? If 2 in 5 French who walks in and really cannot understand the signs, it is worst than 2 in 5 tourists who cannot understand the French sign Soldes ( tourists who don't understand will still buy cause they are in a holiday mood and more likely to anyhow spend) .

I know the French aren't stupid and can ultimately worked it out for themselves but
when I myself at in a store with just French signs, I struggled to decipher the cryptic meaning behind the some French word plays. "Achetez deux pieces and troiseme piece est gratuit avec des coupons . Demandez les coupons sur l'internet www.wedon'treallywanttosellthesetoyou.com . ( Buy 2, get the 3rd free with coupons via internet) .

So I gather perhaps some folks here ( lovely ones too by the way) will find signs in English a tad confusing. NEVER CONFUSE THE CUSTOMERS MORE THAN 1 TIME OR THEY REALLY HATE YOU.

I am starting to like this Socialist country I must say . It is refreshing in the sense, money is simply not a great motivator for a change. As a Capitalist whose hobby is to look at a boulangerie and start calculating the profit margin of a baguette , it changes the whole game for me entirely. I am not sure what to make of all these yet and most probably these thoughts will be just that, thoughts but to perhaps not value money so much , can be a relief.

I am not a financial whiz of course, I have no idea what I said is even half corrected but there is this hair in my mouth that I just want to spit it out and paste it here.

Written on 26th November 2012. 

Elmo Use The Potty

A proud and touching moment for Arwen to meet the puppet that taught her so much about pee pee, dokie and pew pew.

My Modern Kitchen

I tell you, having a laptop is a must for modern kitchen these days. See, I can search for recipes, ingredients, where to buy it, what else to do with it other than what I intended to do with it, recipes from all over the world, bio vs non bio, Amazon for Xmas gifts, check FB, reply emails, pre-order grocery for pick up, check in the Gaza situation, listen to Frank Sinatra , load photos all these while preparing lunch. I love love love my little space here!

Written on 19th November 2012.

Class Of 2012

*Clear throat and gush * Awwwww...... look at her, look at that serious face, the way she holds her pen, ohh ohhhh she is going to be a lawyer / a doctor / an investment banker / the President of France / an astronaut / editor of a Fashion magazine / own a chain of StruckBucks / the invented of the balloon that will self-inflat / have a Lego series named after her / the next Steve Jobs .

Arwen's class photo ! *Tear*

Haben go skool for 3 months already got class photo!

 

 

Written on 19th November 2012.

Christmas Wishes

God.. I have been good this year ( I think), I grumbled only 37 times so far, I did not steal nor cheat ( taking that extra pack of MacDonald chilli sauce home does not count!) , I was reasonably patient ( I use the word "reasonably loosely here), I seek joy, love and peace ( I seek but if cannot find it, it is not in my control you know).

I saved, I even ate three days old cake, I compared prices vs quality ratio before buying , I give to the needy, I was courageous and I did not lost faith ( moving to Belfort is the evident and this statement good for the next few years too).

Soo...this Christmas, please can You give Belfort ( I wasn't even asking for me, I was asking for the good of this sweet town).

A MacDonald????

If you are feeling particularly generous ( You know.. those "days"? ), maybe throw in a Starbucks too? It does not consume much space to open one here or You also can let me strike Lottery so I can franchise one, just give it a serious thought will you?

Thanks!

Written on 19th November 2012.

Thankfulness

Tonight as I look at what I have, a wonderful husband, a lovely awesome daughter, a loving family and friends all around the world, enough food to eat, more than enough clothes to wear, books to read at leisure, warm water and heater.. I was sad and happy.

A deep sadness that so many people does not have what I have been blessed with, sad it is a continuing struggle for so many people.. Yes I am happy with what I have but often I cannot believe how blessed I had been. I used to think it is because I worked hard for it, I preserve towards it and I had all these things not by chance but by my own pure hard work and of course I should reap the rewards but many people do that too. They worked so hard, they believed , they have faith... yet...

I suddenly realized it is more than that. It is the grace of God. I am living by and breathing every second His grace.. I cannot possibly be more grateful and more thankful and I prayed that I always always remember to cherish the people around me .
Written on 29th November 2012.

56th Day.

Days since I landed in France : 56
Days when I cried : None
Days when I complaint : 15
Days when I scream in frustration : 20
Days when I laugh at French : 10
Days when I want to kill a French : None
Days when I smile at the French : 56
Days when I frown at the French : 40
Days when I fight with the French : None
Days when I feel superior to the French : 50
Days when I smirked at the French : 30
Days when I grin because I am right and my way is better than the French : 28
Number of times to supermarket : 31
Number of times I curse and swear because I cannot find what I want at the
supermarket due to language barrier : 8
Number of times I am amazed at what the supermarket have : 23
Number of times I went to the farmer's market : 3
Number of times I curse and swear because I cannot find what I want at the
farmers market due to language barrier : 1
Number of times I am amazed at what the supermarket have : 3
Number of meals cooked : 90
Number of compliments on my cooking : 70 ( rest of the time is spitted out by Arwen)
Number of times people help me with my strollers and give way : 130
Number of times I nearly got knock down by inconsiderate drivers : None
Number of times I nearly knock a car with my inconsiderate strollers pushing skills : 5
Number of times I dress better than the people here : 30
Number of times I caught shocked looks on strangers with my loud English speaking voice : 32
Number of times I had wondered how I would I survive here : 185
Number of toilet rolls used so far : 48
Current % of brain being use per day : 22%.
Current % of physical energy being use pe day : 89%
Current % of spiritual guidance energy use per day : 65%

Summary : Not calling it quits yet.

Written 21st October 2012 .

Daddy Love

Social Arwen

Might be too early to say but I think school has made Arwen a little more social already! Today at the playground, she actually climb and rode on this swinging horse all on her own! She is usually very scare of it . And she actually smile and play with other kids. Most funnily, she stride without even looking for once at the secured playground for the childcare babies. Ususually she will looked longingly and want to go in side there. I always have to explain it is for babies and she is not one. Today, her look is like "I have my own skool liao! No need to want to join you babies ! ". She was excited about school today too and went in without a fuss but in the mist did cry a little. Ah Arwen.... it is just so fun to watch you grow!

Written on 3rd October 2012.

Loss Weekend

In the suburbs where my in laws are, they can only mow the lawns ( actual lawns, not THAT lawns) on Saturday so I see poor suckers across the street with money, instead of spending it , have to mow the lawns , by the time he is finished, stores close liao. Another weekend where he do not get to support his economy. Multiple this by 100's of household x average of 40 weeks.

Then there is this DIY thing. Everything have to do by yourself, so weekends are spent buying wood and cutting them into stripes to lay the floor, building a new wing for the house, painting the garage etc because it is nearly impossible to ask people to do so because it cost too much! But because of this, how many household are stuck at home on weekends reading manuals, cutting woods, sewing curtains for the house and in the end, no one really go out to spend money. The fear of cost to hire help, no one is asking the professionals to do all these works and the professionals have increase their fees to lack of demand. If the professionals fees are more reasonable, perhaps the situation will be reverse but now they are too comfortable with the fees structure to change.

But somehow I do think in the end it is towards a good purpose. I see families really having the time to spend together, cycling, kicking a ball, playing basketball etc and this is something Asian countries lack. In Asia , we MAKE time for the kids but here THERE is time for the kids. :)

I enjoy the fact I do not feel any pressure from the society here to go find a job, to put my kid in childcare so I can earn more money. Because even if I have more money also no use, the stores are closed.

Written on 20th September 2012.

France Not So Nice Liao

Ok quite abit of people ask me if I will start a blog, not sure yet because I am very bitchy and irrelevant sometimes so random readers will think I am mad and then leave comments which I have to thank for or defend myself, yes I can leave the comment private but my backside itchy one, I sure will wonder what people think of my blog yada yada and then sure will activate comment one . I know I can moderate my blog but I am not PAP or Communist or Big Brother , if I want to control the comments and have only nice things, then it is like talking to my own shadow and when I nod , my shadow nods too. Not that I have anything against people who allow moderisation ( I don't think got this word but HEY! Now it exist, you learn new words!) I understand where they stand ( see haben got blog now need to defend liao) but for me, it will not work cos my view of this world is very warp so better save it for people who knows me AKA you guys here. I know yew aw luv meee belly muuch .

Ok rant time. I hate Paris now. I went there today to hunt down a bag and seriously Paris now belongs to everyone ! You can sit your child down outside Galeries Lafayette with a baguette and play " What is his /her nationality and I bet you can name 100 nationalities in 2 hours coming in and out of the shopping center". Where are the Frenchies? I took 12 hours flight, eat crap on the Air France plane to see Frenchies but what I see is United Nation. Of course I am not against tourists going there to support the French economy but if I going to spend shitload of money, I should get a Frenchie isn't it? No.... I got.. CHINESE! Yes yes yes, the usual lament of how Chinese are everywhere and how they got money etc etc but seriously how would the Chinese tourist feel he/she came all the way here to see Mandarin speaking Moroccans serving him/ her at LV? How would they feel when they in China go through the trouble to change RMB to Euros and make all sorts of attempt to hide the Euros in their bras, socks, ears, Lock and lock plastic teacups, their kids diapers and realize now Unipay ATM card can be use? The whole experience of being treated like crap by snotty French is denied to them and even the dog poos are hard to spot. The whole idea of travelling is to obtain some kind of foreign experience and not meet your own kind of people and system again. I swear, I feel so bad for the buckload of Chinese tourists.

And language. This is true ah, today I went Gucci, I got serve by a Chinese talking to me in English. I reply in Chinese Then I go LV, I got serve by a Chinese who speaks to me in French and don't understand Chinese ( she is a 3rd generation Chinese migrant in France) , so I speak to her in French and then I go to BV , I speak French to a French sale assistant and she reply in Mandarin. I went for a cup of coffee at a cafe and the Chinese waiter only speaks me to in English even when I speak in Chinese. WTF!!!

Written on 29th August 2012.

What I Feel About Schools

Thanks all for your support and advices! Without the internet and friends  as a portal, I would really be super lost ,anxious and lonely.. I don't know why when it comes to Arwen, I am always so anxious , sometimes I am so sick of this. I wish to relax but it is hard to relax when all these experiences are new and most probably once in a lifetime episode and since it is once in the life time episode , I feel the pressure to do it well and not mess up.

Maybe to me, education is not a fun thing, it is an obligation to go to school. I remember my kindergarten days all the way to Polytechnic. It was not fun as tout by all now. 99% I have no say ( 1% if when I ask to go to the loo and even sometimes that is not allowed). Mother dressed me up and ask me to go kindy, teachers asked me to answer questions , do the tests, the exams, principals take rulers to measure my fringe, my nails and socks. From age 4 to 16, 12 years straight I was to do as I was told. Then there are the social pressures, from bullys, to boyfriends , to friends and to friends who can decide not to friend you if other friend give her a White Rabbit sweet. Overall, I hated school, it was boring, one sided and totally monarchic. I remembered by immensely relieved when I graduated and started work. I am not one of those who thinks it is better to be in school than work. Real life is much more fun.

So now I have a child who just started school and I am so proud of her but yet worried, worried if she will face the same kind of stuff I went through in school . Of course I will be there for her, of course, I will always give you a sympathetic ear, of course I am always on her side. But I know it is small comfort. She needs to learn how to deal. I know she will be alright but sad I cannot shield her from other humans who may or may not hurt her intentionally or unintentionally.

I know schools too , is different now. When the teacher today shows me the photos of Arwen playing and interacting with other kids on her digital camera, I was grateful beyond words. That they take in account the questions I must be asking as a parent. I am sure the teachers today take more interest in individual students rather than a whole. I like France education system as there is no uniforms for the students and not a whole lot of privatized schools to choose from. In fact here, there are only 1 private school but the distance is too far away to travel for me. It is hard as coming from Singapore which emphasize so much on not just education but superb education, I am constantly worried if Arwen will match up to a Singaporean kid. As it is , there are so many school vacations , I wonder if Arwen can really learn enough!

But observing the laissez-faire attitude among the parents here, to the French, their government school system is.. enough. No questions. So perhaps it is I who will need to let go of my perceptions of school and let the French take over in this area. But of course I will be taking notes and chew my mind out later.

Written on 2nd October .

Stairways to hell

One more photo to show you guys how I typically dressed at home. The stairs nice right? So quaint and like as if I am now staying in a "jia-hong chu" and like I got some money right? NO LOR. Here, every Tom, Dick and Harry can buy one lah! You got SGD 250,000 can liao. Unless you really really really no money, then you stay in apartments ( unofficially according to my in-laws).

They have been kind of pushing for us to get a house with a garden. A first I was okay with it but after 3 weeks, the stairs is like my enemy and a test on my memory. A typically day is like that :

Me : " Arwen, come down!!! NOW!!"
Arwen : " Bao bao!" ( carry me!)
Me : " You weight as much as 3 sacks of 5kg Jasmine rice and 1 kg of light soy sauce with a free gift of 500 gram MSG throw in ok! You come down on your own!"
Arwen : "BAO BAO!!!"

Repeat this 3 to 5 times a day..

Going out lagi worst .

Me : " Where is the keys, merde, it is upstairs.. Arwen WAIT OK WAIT HERE!"
Arwen: " Up?" ( proceed to scramble up..)
Me : " NO!!! I just take the keys niah, you wait here" *carry her down..and take the keys.
Arwen heck care and proceed to go up and I repeat the earlier scenerio.

3 seconds later .. where is the cookie box?

Me : "Arwen WAIT HERE OK!!! I go grab your yum yum!"
Arwen: " Up?"
Me : " NOOOOOOOOOO wait here for awhile only, awhile only!!! Wait!"
Arwen heck care and proceed to go up and I repeat the earlier scenerio.

2 seconds later ... where is her other shoe?

Me( want to cry liao) : " F**K! Nevermind, since it is your daddy who put us in this situation, we go buy you new pair with his money."

Left with Arwen not wearing any shoes .

This double stories living is the most inefficient way to live! I calculated the time and stress and I rather be an apartment rat.

 

Written on 17th September 2012.

Belfort Here We Come !

Today is an important day. We are driving to Belfort from Paris. It will take 5 hours by car, whole car is fully loaded and how can we miss the baguette for luck! Today we will go live in our new town!

Written on 16th September 2012.

Gumball Machine

Poor Arwen, never seen a gumball machine before and was fascinated by it but I have to pretend I do not know how to open it or siao liao.

Written on 20th September 2012.

Toilet Paper

Arwen excited and pointing and screeching: "Toi ppaer! Toi paer! TOI PPAAR".

Me gancheong : " Simi simi?? Where got toys stores here?"

Then I saw it.. she meant toilet paper when she see this sculpture ... seriously.. my hope of her being a true arty farty figuratively flush down the toilet..

Written on 20th September 2012.

Lazing

Another wonderful weekend at Voisins, just lazing at Grandma Gisele's garden . Laurent and Arwen having fun at the playground .

Gardening

A day out in the garden, my little girl earnestly trying to unplant whatever my father-in-law had planted.

Written on 18th September 2012.

Snuggles

I don't know about your toddler but Arwen who is 2 years and 9 months seems to enjoy being a baby these few months. It is very interesting,see after a very long bath , I would wrap her in her towel and she will want me to carry her like a baby , rock and hum to her, after a while, she will make suckling sounds like she is drinking milk. This can take 5 to 10 mins and after that she is back to being a brat.

At first I was worry that she might be stress or feeling insecure about something but I also feel perhaps soaking in bath water for a long time, it triggers memory of the time she is in my womb! Very endearing and I do indulged as I know these kind of moments will end soon as she grows, I feel too, growing up and having to have to learn/ see/ hear/ feel new things everyday can be a tiring thing for a toddler. I hope she does feels better after each snuggle session!

Written on 16th September 2012.

FTSAHM

These 3 weeks, I really learn how to be a FTSAHM and I swear it is the most simplest thing to do compare to a FTWAHM.

My schedule as a FTWAHM

10am - Wake up, coffee, on computer, kiss Arwen, check mail till 11.30 am then shower.
12 noon - Quick lunch, coffee and mentally prepared for the day.
12.20 pm - Coffee.Answer emails from buyers and pack orders.
3pm- Go post office to post packages and bank to pay sellers. Then do small errands and coffee.
4pm- Answer emails from buyers. Coffee
5.30pm - Relieved the nanny and hang around with Arwen and dinner .
7pm -Put Arwen to bed and me too, nap for 1 hour.
8pm- Wake up, check emails, coffee. Do some light housework. Order grocery online when needed.
9pm- TV time with DH if not too busy.
10.30pm - Work, work, work, prepare shipment envelopes and check out new stocks from my suppliers.
11.30pm Still working and answering emails non stop till...
3am .....

My schedule as a SAHM and this is the busiest day.

8am - Arwen patiently hangs around me while I sleep until she cannot tahan and go "muk muk" means she wants milk. Got up, ON THE LAPTOP! Go make milk and coffee, come upstairs throw her the milk and I check emails for 10 mins.

8.30am - I shower, get dress, Arwen with Ipad and hang out with her.

9am - I bath her and make her small snacks and prepare lunch for her.

9.30 am - hang out in garden.

10.30 am - laundry and clean the whole house, vacuum, wipe mop etc.

12.30 am - Lunch

1 pm - I looked at Arwen with boredom and she looked back in kind.

1.30 pm - Catch bus to mall, hang out in Starbucks and all the toy stores.

4pm- Head home and wash up and small snacks.

4.30 pm - Garden or walk in the forest.

6pm - Dinner, talk cock , sing song.

8.30pm - She sleeps. I hang out with in laws and surf for nonsense to buy.

11pm - Sleep.

Seriously.............. I am under stimulated and I am being under estimated . I think I better go learn how make a Bento box.

Oh the photo ? I have sooo much time , I can even let Arwen play in this ball pit for 45 mins while I just flip through magazines for some home decor.

Written on 13th September 2012.

Concuss !

I love it when she sleeps like that! Like as if she had worked very hard and pengsan ! We have not even half reach our destination yet ...

Written on 13th September 2012.

Bento

My goodness..... LOVE IT!

Homemade Jam

Now I know why my in laws always buy crates and crates of fruits , mostly very very ripe kind of apples, apricots etc, it is cheaper and they turn them into jam. Super yummy!

My FIL is very happy to see me snoop around and take photos, also very proud to tell me how he made them. Basically they go Carrefour and there is a section where boxes of over ripe fruits can be bought for 2 euros, they will buy those very ripe soft apricots and also pineapples. He said must use copper pot and spoon. 

The copper pot is very big! Initially I thought it was a vintage baby bath ( with the French one never knows...) . Copper will not cause the fruits to stick to the pot . Put in all the fruits, add sugar and stir them over very very very small fire for over 9 hours! I see them do it on Saturday, they will just let the pot there and on and off stir it. I was reluctant to try as I am not a jam kind of person but honestly.. very very delicious!


Written on 11th September 2012 .

Malod-Panisset Men

This is for Ashley Chung , LOL! Look at the Malod-Panisset men trying to feed and get all the three kids ready for a day out! They are great help ! Where are the women? Cooking and cleaning lah!

Written on 12th September 2012 .

Wild Fruits

Weekend was spent in my DH's grandfather's garden. She is eating raspberry off the bush! My inlaws are so happy to see that but for me, I mentally wonder if I pack diarrhea medicine for her ...

I need to keep a straight face and not freak out or they will sure snicker and think " Those city people, poof!" Lucky Arwen did not lau sai..

Written on 11th September 2012.

Sad

Sad look on her face with her nose press against the window because she cannot go out to the garden today. Poor thing..

Written on 11th September 2012 .

A Relationship With God Please

This post is purely my own thoughts and does not meant to seek to offend or defend anyone, any religion or any anything lah.

Did not slept well last night. One issue is hanging around heavily on my mind... should I baptize Arwen? My in laws are Catholics and even if they do not go to church at all, they are good kind hearted, hardworking, loving people who day in day out do their very best they can and they sleep well at night with their conscience. I love them in my own way but more than that, I respect them alot.

They want Arwen to be baptized . Initially I go along as it is tradition, it is a family thing, it is important to the family. All are excited. But as me and DH speaks to a priest about this, it dawn on us that we forgot this is about God and Arwen. It is commiting Arwen to God the Catholic way. Now those who knows me, knows how much I dislike religion. I had been a Christian before and I left church because I have too many questions which the church could not answer . I left to find the answers . God knows all the paths I had taken to do so. Long, hard, sometimes bringing unnecessary pain to myself. The loneliness is the hardest to bear basically I had to destroy myself to rebuild myself. It was purely out of God's grace I am who I am now . I do however wonder what would happened if I stayed in church. I do missed my sisters and brothers , the support and the fellowship and I wish for Arwen that , to have a safe place to go to when she needs it. But to me being baptized does not mean one instantly have a relationship with God. God is not contained in a church, God is everything and when one realized God is me and you and also a bottle of peanut butter or a cockroach, it is awesomely overwhelming! To have a relationship with God is one of most relaxing, liberating thing in life. He is everywhere, He is everything, He does not judge and He is understanding, funny, humorous as hell and He loves all unconditionally, much like mother love. He is always available and ready to support and help when needed. He can bitch too but He always tells me not to do so AFTER a bitching session.

Of course, there is my usual "Oh I am so busy,I do not have time for you God, or I can do this God, if I need you, I will let you know" , it is okay as He knows the push and pull of relationships , He knows when I need the space to think it for myself and because He is everything, He is every solution I chosen, one cannot lose at all . I am acutely aware that the world is not a very nice place sometimes but that is why I always said it is His Grace , that very special , very unique trait that makes it so precious in this relationship. Humans, we generally do not understand how to be graceful in the way He does. It is like the one thing that is perhaps the most distinctive thing between all of us and Him. I told a dear friend this story about a sharper

I remember perhaps 9 months ago, I was crazy busy with work, so much so I did not even get to spend 30 mins with Arwen a day much less hang around with God. While tidying I saw her color pencils are all worn off. I did not even have time to sharpen them... I looked for a sharper but the ones I have, the holes are too small for the pencils. I was going a little berserk with guilt as I know I do not have time the next day or the day after to go hunt for a new one. I sighed and went to bed sad. Next day, my friend's wife is coming to learn how to run a business and also to teach the nanny how to make some buns. She was suppose to bring the yeast , so when she placed the plastic bags on the table, I looked inside to see how yeast looks like and guess what? There are 2 sharpers inside.... one big enough for the pencils..I just shake my head and smile. I asked my friend why are there of all things sharpers among the packets of yeast? She shrugged and said don't know why but she just had two extra and decided to give them to me.

Now the sharper will be placed in a box , framed in my new home. A reminder.. that God cares about everything, nothing is too trivial and small, He knows, He sees and He take notes and He can be quite kaypo. LOL!

I wish for Arwen a relationship not like mine but hers and her very own with God. I wish for her not to contain God in a book or a building but to engulf her everyday in every much as I think Catholism is a great religion and the ways are all good, I want her to be free to choose her own beliefs and paths. I can think of 1000 pros to let her be a Catholic but I cannot get over con which is her freedom to choose. To lay each stone as she walks and not walk the laid paths before her. I cannot say I am making the right decision for her now but I know whatever she choose , me and God will be beside her forever .

Written on 11th September 2012.

Library

See lah , suppose to read books and all but instead pose here and there for photos. Those who know Arwen will be astonished to know she is the LOUDEST and MOST ACTIVE kid there! She will sing and dance and run and yell so loud until other mothers shot me looks! *Paiseh like hell..

7 Mins

This is the fourth country I moved . When I first moved to Oman, everything is more or less provided for so I need not buy anything. In Seoul and in Shanghai, I have no idea what to buy so it was a long process setting up the kitchen and home. Now, it is like a drill. I went to Carrefour with Arwen in her trolley, looked at my watch, 24 mins to go before the next bus, headed for the cooking section and just pick up all these and paid them in 7 mins and still got time for a quick Starbucks.

There are chopper, cheese knife, bread knife, chapbalang knife, fruit knife,not-sure-what-for-but-saw-this-in-mother-in-law-kitchen-so-better-get-one-in-case-needed knife, gigantic meat fork, big whipper , small whipper ( got this sweet mama picture of me and Arwen in aprons she smiling at me and we both whip something something to bake something something), brush, squeezer for something that needs to be squeeze ( cannot remember the exact food names), scrapers,yadda yadda..

As much as I hate to buy everything at one go without first questioning if I need it , I hate wasting time to go to store and buy it only when I need it. I think I can cook better when I know I am well equipped.

So 7 mins for this, I am proud of myself!

Written on 7th September 2012.

Haircut

Arwen's first new haircut in France! She was so good at the hairdresser, sitting quietly all the way , getting her hair washed and cut :)

Written on 8th September 2012.

Can't Wait

You know, in France last time if I need to go to see the doctor and no one have time to drive me there, I will sulked and be pissed and complained that no one here is treating me well . But now as a mother, when Arwen needs to see a doctor , I refused to wait for my PIL to finish work in the evening to bring us there, I refused to hang around waiting for help. 

I asked DH to make appointment and give me directions to the doctor immediately even though it is just a mild thrush that Arwen had. Seriously... I was really scare... I felt a little alone but I took the bus and saw the doctor who barely speaks English, good thing I am a nurse so I know what to expect. I came back and looked at Arwen and just amazed what motherhood can do, leaped over another fear.

Written on 7th September 2012 .

Coping Much ?

At breakfast, FIL  asked me if I can cope in France without speaking much French and without a car , I looked at him and told him in 10 days here, I had managed to get Arwen a decent haircut, a library card for her, bring her to see doctor for a mild thrush infection, 9 new pieces of clothing for her, bring her to good restaurant to eat, top up grocery and buy the right thing for bubble bath, all with minimal French and only by taking a bus. MIL and SIL seems quite impressed, FIL slightly astonished.

At lunch, I ponder over while washing dishes ( KNS always got dishes to wash one!) and was in full fledged self congratulatory mood+++ , thinking how smart and awesome mother I am and how I will raise a well behaved, smart girl like me and when I turn around , here is what I see. I swear I REALLY just turned away from her for less than 30 secs and she decided to go all CATS on me. Spent the next 15 mins cleaning her and wiping the kitchen table and floor.

Written on 7th September 2012. 

Mocha Love

Only way I can have any of my favorite Mocha is if I give Arwen some.. I think caffeine is totally bad for kids but if you know my mellow jello cello Arwen, you might agree a little caffeine might be good for her.

Written on 7th September 2012.

They Iron EVERYTHING !

They even iron the tablecloth !!!!!! The Portuguese housekeeper eye me suspiciously when I take photo of this tablecloth, I think she thinks I am spying on her to report to my MIL...

Written on 6th September 2012.

Elementary My Dear

Now you guys might think what is the big deal , knowing I visited France every year for holiday but this time it is different, I am relocating here and eager to learn life the French way. Last time, I cannot be bothered as I know I will be flying off in two weeks but now knowing I might be stuck here for awhile, I looked at everything more closely and  STRESS! 

 See this food? In the past I just eat it, now I am suddenly worried, am I suppose to replicate food like this? Meat and apple hang out together with a unidentified tree branch? French cuisine is awesome because it likes combined all elements those that is under the ground, in the water, on land, hang in the air and in the air stuff in a pot and presto! A yummy dish! Shit..... how am I going to cook "element"ary dishes like this. Ok ok chill chilll... can't be hard, just video my in laws when she next do it.

Written on 6th September 2012.

Funny Food

This is just so funny! Does not look hard to make.. maybe can try to make some for Arwen . Love it when people are so so creative with food!

Written on 30th August 2012.

Ass Crack

You know H&M , I don't understand, why all the pants I buy from you for my daughter show her ass crack? I mean like can make higher waist one or not? A lot of Chinese coming to France and you must know Chinese loves to cover their belly buttons or later at night sure need RUYI oil, you better start catering to the Chinese asses here also ok?

Written on 3rd September 2012 .

Sorry Flowers

1st week of staying in France, made a faux pas liao! Upset my MIL ( looonngg story) and feel bad,so buy her flowers. Jean a dear friend gave me a book "Almost French" I identify with it so much! It is a similar story to mine. I must say French are really of a different culture and as much as I like to say "aiyoh why they are so yayasai or why they just don't speak their mind?" , I think about Chinese culture and it is the same really. 

A lot of families do not communicate well and like to sweep things under the table or double talk. This is puzzling as some times it is really better to tell your family what is going on rather than keep inside, pretend everything is well but the resentment seeps out in small little ways. 

Anyway I hope this is the last time I have to present Sorry Flowers.

Written on 2nd September 2012.