Wednesdays

Wednesdays is the day of the week I decreed it will be Me And Arwen time alone. Funny thing is even though I am with her everyday, it just does not ever seems enough. When she heads for bed, I will linger and just look at this being who is one third of my size. Examine her fingers, studying it and got this epiphany that they are still so small, no wonder she cannot grab and hold 3 oranges properly. Her face, sometimes I get a fleeting glimpse of how she will looked like when she grows up and it will startled me. I don't know if some parents feels this but it is like looking in the future and knowing when the day comes, a sense of deep deja vu will hit me , knowing i saw that face when she was 3.

This Wednesday, I took her out to a crowded restaurant for lunch. Normally she will run everywhere, robbing the free balloons and I will be yelling out for her. Today, she stands beside me, just close enough so her head will always bob against my thigh. I told her to go get the balloons, but she did not, just staring at everything but kept close to me. Then as we walk to the table, she held my hands firmly, not tight but securely. We ate, chat ( me mostly) and we left. Very simple but for me, the most wonderful magical thing about having Arwen is having her hold my hand. It happens daily but still, it makes my heart sing. Walking to school with her hand in mine, I feel so honored. To have this trust, this love of this awesome little girl, the love of a child. It is so fragile yet so strong.

I have this little small gesture when I hold her hand to let her know it is me so incase someone else holds her hand and does not do that gesture, she knows she hold the wrong ones( sometimes it happens and the look on her face is priceless!). I hope this secret gesture between us will serve us well into all the years later, so she knows she is always welcome to hold my hand even if she is 40 years old :) May be silly to gush about this but for me, a child is like... the purest thing one can hold and in this crazy world, to have given this trust, this love unconditionally , to be invited to her world, I cannot expressed my thanks for this experience. I don't know what the future holds. I know as a mother, I have loads and loads to improve on and I pray every night I will not failed her one day but as of now, I look forward to tomorrow morning when we can walk hand in hand to school :).

Written on 12th December 2012.