This post is purely my own thoughts and does not meant to seek to offend or defend anyone, any religion or any anything lah.
Did not slept well last night. One issue is hanging around heavily on
my mind... should I baptize Arwen? My in laws are Catholics and even if
they do not go to church at all, they are good kind hearted,
hardworking, loving people who day in day out do their very best they
can and they sleep well at night with their conscience. I love them in
my own way but more than that, I respect them alot.
They want
Arwen to be baptized . Initially I go along as it is tradition, it is a
family thing, it is important to the family. All are excited. But as me
and DH speaks to a priest about this, it dawn on us that we forgot this
is about God and Arwen. It is commiting Arwen to God the Catholic way.
Now those who knows me, knows how much I dislike religion. I had been a
Christian before and I left church because I have too many questions
which the church could not answer . I left to find the answers . God
knows all the paths I had taken to do so. Long, hard, sometimes bringing
unnecessary pain to myself. The loneliness is the hardest to bear
basically I had to destroy myself to rebuild myself. It was purely out
of God's grace I am who I am now . I do however wonder what would
happened if I stayed in church. I do missed my sisters and brothers ,
the support and the fellowship and I wish for Arwen that , to have a
safe place to go to when she needs it. But to me being baptized does not
mean one instantly have a relationship with God. God is not contained
in a church, God is everything and when one realized God is me and you
and also a bottle of peanut butter or a cockroach, it is awesomely
overwhelming! To have a relationship with God is one of most relaxing,
liberating thing in life. He is everywhere, He is everything, He does
not judge and He is understanding, funny, humorous as hell and He loves
all unconditionally, much like mother love. He is always available and
ready to support and help when needed. He can bitch too but He always
tells me not to do so AFTER a bitching session.
Of course,
there is my usual "Oh I am so busy,I do not have time for you God, or I
can do this God, if I need you, I will let you know" , it is okay as He
knows the push and pull of relationships , He knows when I need the
space to think it for myself and because He is everything, He is every
solution I chosen, one cannot lose at all . I am acutely aware that the
world is not a very nice place sometimes but that is why I always said
it is His Grace , that very special , very unique trait that makes it so
precious in this relationship. Humans, we generally do not understand
how to be graceful in the way He does. It is like the one thing that is
perhaps the most distinctive thing between all of us and Him. I told a
dear friend this story about a sharper
I remember perhaps 9
months ago, I was crazy busy with work, so much so I did not even get to
spend 30 mins with Arwen a day much less hang around with God. While
tidying I saw her color pencils are all worn off. I did not even have
time to sharpen them... I looked for a sharper but the ones I have, the
holes are too small for the pencils. I was going a little berserk with
guilt as I know I do not have time the next day or the day after to go
hunt for a new one. I sighed and went to bed sad. Next day, my friend's
wife is coming to learn how to run a business and also to teach the
nanny how to make some buns. She was suppose to bring the yeast , so
when she placed the plastic bags on the table, I looked inside to see
how yeast looks like and guess what? There are 2 sharpers inside.... one
big enough for the pencils..I just shake my head and smile. I asked my
friend why are there of all things sharpers among the packets of yeast?
She shrugged and said don't know why but she just had two extra and
decided to give them to me.
Now the sharper will be placed in a
box , framed in my new home. A reminder.. that God cares about
everything, nothing is too trivial and small, He knows, He sees and He
take notes and He can be quite kaypo. LOL!
I wish for Arwen a
relationship not like mine but hers and her very own with God. I wish
for her not to contain God in a book or a building but to engulf her
everyday in every much as I think Catholism is a great religion and the
ways are all good, I want her to be free to choose her own beliefs and
paths. I can think of 1000 pros to let her be a Catholic but I cannot
get over con which is her freedom to choose. To lay each stone as she
walks and not walk the laid paths before her. I cannot say I am making
the right decision for her now but I know whatever she choose , me and
God will be beside her forever .
Written on 11th September 2012.
Did not slept well last night. One issue is hanging around heavily on my mind... should I baptize Arwen? My in laws are Catholics and even if they do not go to church at all, they are good kind hearted, hardworking, loving people who day in day out do their very best they can and they sleep well at night with their conscience. I love them in my own way but more than that, I respect them alot.
They want Arwen to be baptized . Initially I go along as it is tradition, it is a family thing, it is important to the family. All are excited. But as me and DH speaks to a priest about this, it dawn on us that we forgot this is about God and Arwen. It is commiting Arwen to God the Catholic way. Now those who knows me, knows how much I dislike religion. I had been a Christian before and I left church because I have too many questions which the church could not answer . I left to find the answers . God knows all the paths I had taken to do so. Long, hard, sometimes bringing unnecessary pain to myself. The loneliness is the hardest to bear basically I had to destroy myself to rebuild myself. It was purely out of God's grace I am who I am now . I do however wonder what would happened if I stayed in church. I do missed my sisters and brothers , the support and the fellowship and I wish for Arwen that , to have a safe place to go to when she needs it. But to me being baptized does not mean one instantly have a relationship with God. God is not contained in a church, God is everything and when one realized God is me and you and also a bottle of peanut butter or a cockroach, it is awesomely overwhelming! To have a relationship with God is one of most relaxing, liberating thing in life. He is everywhere, He is everything, He does not judge and He is understanding, funny, humorous as hell and He loves all unconditionally, much like mother love. He is always available and ready to support and help when needed. He can bitch too but He always tells me not to do so AFTER a bitching session.
Of course, there is my usual "Oh I am so busy,I do not have time for you God, or I can do this God, if I need you, I will let you know" , it is okay as He knows the push and pull of relationships , He knows when I need the space to think it for myself and because He is everything, He is every solution I chosen, one cannot lose at all . I am acutely aware that the world is not a very nice place sometimes but that is why I always said it is His Grace , that very special , very unique trait that makes it so precious in this relationship. Humans, we generally do not understand how to be graceful in the way He does. It is like the one thing that is perhaps the most distinctive thing between all of us and Him. I told a dear friend this story about a sharper
I remember perhaps 9 months ago, I was crazy busy with work, so much so I did not even get to spend 30 mins with Arwen a day much less hang around with God. While tidying I saw her color pencils are all worn off. I did not even have time to sharpen them... I looked for a sharper but the ones I have, the holes are too small for the pencils. I was going a little berserk with guilt as I know I do not have time the next day or the day after to go hunt for a new one. I sighed and went to bed sad. Next day, my friend's wife is coming to learn how to run a business and also to teach the nanny how to make some buns. She was suppose to bring the yeast , so when she placed the plastic bags on the table, I looked inside to see how yeast looks like and guess what? There are 2 sharpers inside.... one big enough for the pencils..I just shake my head and smile. I asked my friend why are there of all things sharpers among the packets of yeast? She shrugged and said don't know why but she just had two extra and decided to give them to me.
Now the sharper will be placed in a box , framed in my new home. A reminder.. that God cares about everything, nothing is too trivial and small, He knows, He sees and He take notes and He can be quite kaypo. LOL!
I wish for Arwen a relationship not like mine but hers and her very own with God. I wish for her not to contain God in a book or a building but to engulf her everyday in every much as I think Catholism is a great religion and the ways are all good, I want her to be free to choose her own beliefs and paths. I can think of 1000 pros to let her be a Catholic but I cannot get over con which is her freedom to choose. To lay each stone as she walks and not walk the laid paths before her. I cannot say I am making the right decision for her now but I know whatever she choose , me and God will be beside her forever .
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